Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Today I Shall Rant

Today I must rant (if you to are having a bad day, then you may want to just skip today’s installment - I won’t be offended, and I certainly won’t rant about you). Here are some things that I find irritating: parents who bring cowbells to high school athletic events and shake them when their team scores a goal. Seriously are you Will Ferrell? No? Then for God’s sake, put that thing away (you’re making more noise than a two year old with a pot and a wooden spoon, high on sweet potatoes), plus, you just look foolish.

Also on my list - people who tailgate. A word here - I drive fast, so if you’re riding my bumper, you’re over the line. You need to take a moment to slow down and ask yourself - Do I really want to tangle with a middle-aged woman who looks like Doris Day but talks like Samuel L. Jackson? “Bitch, don’t make me put my foot up your ass” (Gosh I sure talk tough, sitting here ranting at my computer in the safety of my office). Which leads me to - bloggers who talk big, but in reality, manage nothing more than an evil eye stare when confronted (ahem, please ignore that woman behind the curtain, typing madly at her keyboard.)

Also on today’s list, any and all weathermen or weatherwoman (I knooooow, the weather is out of their control), those who stand in long lines at the deli, but don’t know what they want when they get to the counter, calories, blisters, my ipod, Mila Jojovich when she has her arm around Christoph Waltz (what did the nuns used to say at junior high dances? Oh yeah, let’s keep a space for Jesus), tea partiers, Lindsay Lohan, Dina Lohan, Michael Lohan, migraines, migraine medicine … Well, that got out of control rather quickly.

So now, I will take a deep breath, a long pull on my Deer Park, thank God for my family, friends (both in person and on tumblr), long-suffering co-worker Bernadette, job, health, dog, Christoph Waltz, Quentin Tarantino, Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert, Excedrin, the coaching staff at Brigewater college’s football team, my daughter’s hysterically funny, vampire-like smile (braces on for the next two years, followed by permanent implants), her fantastic attitude about her hysterically funny, vampire-like smile, the writers for GLee, Modern Family, 30 Rock, Alex Baldwin and his wonderfully out of shape mid-life self, Brian William’s and Bob Seiffert’s flawless tie selection, and oh gosh, I could go on and on, but work calls. For anyone still reading, thanks, and go out and have a great day, but for God’s sake, if you’re at the deli, decide what you want before you get to the counter - Peace.

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